...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
