i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
