oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
