So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
