Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
