Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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