I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
