I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
