I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
