sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
