and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
