Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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