She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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