before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
