it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
