I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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