Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
