And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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