i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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