I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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