I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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