i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
