put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
