It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
