And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Randomize
