just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
