I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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