Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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