I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
