Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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