You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
