I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
