even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
