Got a toothbrush?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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