I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
