there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
