she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
