my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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