i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
