Jerry, you need to find god
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
