I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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