my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
