The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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