is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
