I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She needs sedatives and a leash
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
