ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
These tits shall not be calmed
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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