The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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