I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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