Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
