I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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